


Buttflaps and Beads

by MelaphyreX



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Anal Beads, Cursed, Gender-neutral Reader, i lied when i said my next fic would be serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelaphyreX/pseuds/MelaphyreX
Summary: Title says it all honesty.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Buttflaps and Beads

**Author's Note:**

> had this concept floating around in the ol noggin for a decent bit of time and i finally wrote it down in two sessions, and during the first session i was so out of it that i didn't remember i did it until i opened my snippets doc sometime within a week and almost fucking choked on air particles reading it. enjoy <3! dedicated to the fantastic Theo!

We won't bother with any unnecessary pleasantries. This is a reader pov fic so naturally you have no significant defining traits except that you're a sibling of sin for the Grammy award winning Swedish metal band Ghost. Know all that and you'll do just fine, or at least you'll do as fine as you're written by yours truly within this godforsaken page of the internet. 

Whatever. It's the night of a ritual. You're doing things, things such as helping, but mostly you're doing things you hope make you perceived to be like you're helping as this is your first ritual and you have no fucking clue what to do. 

Unfortunately someone experienced spotted you in your wallowing around trying to look useful and ensured you end up making yourself truly useful by assigning you a task. Lo and behold your shock when they told you to run an errand for the fucking Cardinal himself. Now you're truly in for it. 

They shoved a bottle of water and some aspirin in your hands, instructing you to take them to Copia's dressing room as he was suffering from a headache. It seemed you were both suffering then, albeit your suffering was on account of his suffering. He was the last person you wanted to run into on your first day completely unprepared and unseasoned. 

You reluctantly accepted the objects and scurried in the direction they pointed. Once you reached a long hall of doors, you scanned all of the signs next to each door, trying to find his. The more you read the more you grew concerned. “Laundry room” was fairly normal. “Ghoul room” was only concerning because the ghouls were concerning and unpredictable. “Cat petting room” made you raise an eyebrow. “Pegging room” made you blush and walk faster. “Taxidermy lab room” had terrifying implications. You literally didn't know what the purpose would be for the “History of the known universe room.” Huh???  
“BEANS ON TOAST ROOM?????” WHAT!?

You stopped in your tracks, realizing that you'd passed the Cardinal’s room in your shock at the mother of fucking BEANS ON TOAST ROOM. You turned back to the door labeled “Papa's room” (they claimed that it was for budget purposes that they reused the sign but there were plenty of rumors about the Cardinal’s true intentions for keeping the sign, mostly narcissism and high ambitions). 

Naturally as you walked through the door, the last thing you expected to see was that very aforementioned Cardinal bent over, ass in the air, latched onto a support beam for dear life. His suit had a fucking buttflap that hung open against his thighs, nothing underneath of course save for an admittedly juicy triple artisan baconator with extra cheese and bacon ass (the one thing you had expected), but perhaps the most disturbing and unexpected thing of all was the ghoul kneeling behind him, shoving a long, thick strand of anal beads up his ass. 

Copia stared at you from the corner of his only visible eye, the intense white one, and said absolutely nothing. Once the ghoul had gotten the beads all up in there, his eyes squeezed shut. You threw your hand over your mouth to hide to shriek that threatened to burst out from the sight of the ghoul rearing back and ripping the beads out of Copia's ass like he was starting up a motherfucking pull chain lawnmower. 

“HUUUAAARRRRRGHHHHHVVVVGGGM” Copia growled, throwing his head back. He stomped his foot and snorted out a puff of air. “Again!”

“What the fuck,” you breathed subconsciously. 

The ghoul obeyed, ignoring your comment, and worked on re-inserting the beads once more. Copia made some unholy moaning noises as he did so. You dropped the bottle of water, wincing at your dumbassery, but you couldn't move. The Cardinal’s white eye darted back to stare at you, his expression unreadable. 

His eye snapped shut as he roared again from the ghoul yoinking the shit out of the beads in his ass. “AUUUGGHHHHHHHGRRR” Then he started literally barking. It was fairly weak barking and he trailed off quickly. He scuffed his foot against the floor aggressively. “Again!”

Upon the third time that the beads were removed from his ass at the velocity of a desperately horny man cranking some serious shaft, Copia let out a roar that made you swear someone had chopped his arm off and fucked his husband in front of him with it. This roar also morphed into barking. But the barking didn't stop. He kept barking faster and faster until he went from lawnmower rhythm to fucking chainsaw rhythm. 

Had anyone stood in front of him, they might have been sliced in half from how sharp his chainsaw barking was. He stomped his foot and shook his head, sputtering slobber everywhere like he was a rabid feral dog. If you had known the number for animal control you would have called it, but you also remembered your respect for people in the LGBTQ+ community, which included even rabies pride, no matter how little you understood such things, so you decided that you would not call for him to be contained for those reasons. 

You realized you had stepped back a little, giving him a wide berth despite already being on the other side of the room from him. The ghoul seemed to have the same idea, stepping backwards, though unfortunately he had a lot more ground to cover if he wanted to be at a safe distance away, and he did not have the leisure of straying too far from his superior. 

Copia suddenly stopped barking, casting the room into awkward silence, though he didn't appear to be affected by it. He straightened his jacket. “Well, I believe my motor is suitably revved up for the ritual now. Thank you, ghoul. You are dismissed.”

You blinked, hearing the sound of the door slam shut behind you. The ghoul had left faster than Clone High Ghandi on his way to rent a questionable movie. Now it was just you and the Cardinal left alone. He eyed you over, and you looked away. “And you're here because…?”

Blushing, you remembered the fallen water bottle and dashed to pick it up. “Yes, they, uh, said you had an, um, headache, so I brought you these,” you blurted, shoving the bottles forward into his view. 

“Oh, yes, that. My warm up session seemed to have cured that for me.” He clasped his hands together. “But, of course, water is always good, sí?” He swiped the bottle from your hands and twisted it open, taking an uncomfortably long swig for approximately one minute.

When he pulled the bottle away from his lips and popped the lid back on, he stared at you. “Did you need something else?”

“Oh no,” you stammered. “Shouldn't I wait to be dismissed?”

“Well not really. It is getting close to time though. Why don't you walk with me?” He turned on his heel and walked past you out the door. Dumbfounded, you hurried after him in silence and struggled to keep up with his unparalleled gay speedwalk. “So, any questions I can answer for you, new blood?”

Great. He could tell you were new. “What the hell was that back there,” you dared to ask, out of breath. You instantly regretted doing so, but his tone as he answered indicated he was unbothered by your momentary boldness. 

“My warm up, of course! Always gotta get the motor revved up and running before rituals.” He paused. “And make sure it's well-oiled too,” he chuckled, shaking the water bottle for emphasis. You didn't know what the fuck to say to that so you shut your mouth and kept walking.

Before you knew it, you were standing just by the stage entrance. Multiple stage hands rushed him, but he shooed them away flippantly. When you were alone again, he looked back at you. “Surely you have more questions.”

You searched your mind for a moment, before settling on a final one. “What is the uh…. beans on toast room…?”

Copia shuddered, finally looking disturbed for the first time that evening. “That would be Aether's quarantine room. It's for everyone's safety. Nobody knows what he does in there. For reasons I don't understand, he is British.” He grimaced and flashed you a half stern, half concerned look. “Never go in there.” He fell silent, staring off into nothing. 

The ghouls began to play the music, and he abruptly walked away onto the stage, not bidding you farewell. You stood there stunned by everything that had just transpired. “What the fuck,” you whispered for the second time that night. 

It wasn't until you heard the feral screams of the crowd that you realized he'd never closed his buttflap. “Fuck…”

**Author's Note:**

> anyway this shit was inspired by two different tweets by yours truly and a friend.  
> https://twitter.com/melaphyrex/status/1280791210416844801?s=21  
> https://twitter.com/ratsbaybee/status/1281288636839931909?s=21


End file.
